in satan we trust

dynamic entry!

2006-07-28T20:09:58Z

i'm changing my band's name to "blase tempo" 'cause it means more to me than spttotwh.
and we're having another practice this up and coming week and hopefully after that we will record a song or two.

most likely gonna be i am healing and eagle of east.

long time no see kiddos.

songs i write.

2006-07-06T15:13:28Z

a bunch of songs i wrote that i felt sharing with y'all.

our kyds are the future.

aspirations have sent them tumbling head first over a cliff, but at least they've managed to grab onto a branch, swinging desperately in the breeze, each one holding on for dear life to the other's ankles.

time travel makes flowers wither.

it's moments like these that make me wish! wish the past was worth reliving...
as time... we're never given enough.
feathers, something of comfort, brush across my face...
scratches, so many scratches...
how unpleasantly awkward this sunken earth has become...

still, we lay on the exhausted ground.

and everything... everything has changed. (everything has changed!)
everything but your dying heart-beat buried in unforgiveness.
thus, i no longer wish to be haunted by such moments as past has unwillingly collected.
yet, in retrospect, i wish i had the chance to say goodbye.

left hand cuts the right.

the light! it speaks!
although misunderstood.

represented by our vital existence, our wisdom, our "sins"...
still, misunderstood.

gazing at your reflection, as if the mirror were a canvas, begin to paint yourself into coma.
in reverie, are you enlightened of the hypocrisy to your right?
unconcious, subconcious mind, speak bliss into the ears of those who indulge.

one can be without the other.

eagle of east, wolf of west.

a sea of gravel, engorged.

i am healing, healing slowly.

self-chastisement, self-correction, self-loathing, self-progression.
the satisfaction from this sequence of events...
it's my best kept secret from you. (i think it's revision.)

a fierce storm's fucked up premiere.
a course we were once entitled to pursue.

absence to ashes.
i am given infrequent, enshrouded happiness.
time is of the essence.

speak now or forever hold your head under the wave of circumspect.

medusa.

not finished yet. ;p

^___________^

utopia.

2006-06-29T20:35:51Z

life is good.
now all i need is a girlfriend. :}

post-past.

2006-05-22T05:20:53Z

despite the fact that everyone is basically forming friendships/relationships beyond me...
i feel as though i'm incapable of preventing this from happening based upon a few things, but that is of which a matter not even my intellect can yet comprehend.

there are those of whom which partake in activities that both him or herself and i can enjoy.
and then those who take me for granted.

as i should be taken for granted, because i keep everything and nothing inside of me.

i'm still encompassed by fear of risk.
things could even turn out well for me, but it's my self-conciousness that confines me to become mute.

for those who don't know i dropped out of school.
life is too hectic for me, at the moment.
let's leave it at that.

i know all of this could ward off any potential future relationships, and quite frankly, i don't blame anyone who is offended.
i just wish there was something i could do to change that.
because there's only one person right now i wish could depend on me, and i her.

phight.

2006-03-11T19:28:26Z

i just got back from some east haven park with silver! <3
it was amazzzzing.

and her little brother is so cute, awww.

ANYWAYS.
we were roaming about and went into some woods and silver kept falling while climbing this rock thing, and i broke this huge branch off a tree without even trying.
obv super tuff.

then we went back to the playground and waited until these demon children left this immitation shitty wheel swing.
and i was sitting on it with silver, but then i got up and she fell - haha. :x

and this little girl was sitting on her sister's lap on the swing face her, and i kept saying how funny it would be if she just flew off to her doom.
AND SHE DID ROFL.
she wouldn't shut the fuck up, though. :|
damn her...

we tried climbing some unscalable tree, too.
didn't work.

and then we went on those like spring-loaded horse things.
i kept trying to break it and i was going in all different directions.
it was so fun. :}

and then we managed to get on the swings and we were swinging and i jumped off and silver took a pic of me.
oh, and i took her pic in some like plastic see-through mechanism.

when we were leaving silver mounted (:xxx) her dad's motorcyle and he took a pic of her disgruntled face, too.

IT WAS FUNNN.

i never have enough motivation to update this shit.

i may go to danbury empress to see with all sincerity and the jonbenet tonight with jimi, though.
and sean mckay wants to start a death metal band with me.
SIQQQQQ M I RITE?!!11_!_@r$%#&u$

and silver may come over later for a little bit.

demon children.

me riding the doom-cycle.

awww little jaydennn!

<.<;

silver's trapped, but oh so cute! :}

lmfao... distraught.

and this is from a few days ago when we went to get my glasses.

blessed.

2006-03-05T04:35:41Z

i'm the most fucked up human being i've ever met, and i fucking love it.

mxmxrow.

2006-03-01T17:56:03Z

first and foremost: CHERRYPOPPINGROOFIESFORJAH.

in other news. :D
i got a new computer the other day...

stats:
amd athlon 64x2
dual-core processor 3800+
double layer 16x multi-format
1024mb ddr
250gb hd
9-in-1 digital memory card reader
nvidia geforce 6100
2.00ghz ram

das wussup.

i stayed home from school today.
so did jimi and joe o'toole.
really boring.
all i've done this morning is dl mass amounts o' music like always.
i'm almost up to 4,000 files!
fuck yes.

only... 9,000 more to go to compensate the loss of my 13,000. :}

i wanna be with my friends. :[

beat.

2006-02-24T04:54:20Z

i'm sick again.
what else is new.

and today was a terrible disappointment.
i was really looking forward to seeing brittany today, but turned out she had to do something else.
aka go to a show with her sister.
yuuuuck.
maybe sunday, i guess.

i didn't have to go to my psyche appointment today, either.
so what if i'm angry, or extremely miserable/depressed, or all i can think about is killing people.
that's perfectly normal, damn you.

i left to go over jimi's around 5:00pm, i think.
we've just been playing stepmania the whole time, basically.
and listening to some siq mosh music.
now he's making the most crucial beats on his keyboard next to me.
i really can't wait to make some fucking music with this kid and brian.
it's gonna be death all over.
no, but really, i'm blown away but the shit he does with a keyboard.
fucking phenomenal.

i was trying to take some pictures with jimi's digicam, but it's broken.
or the battery is dead - iuno.
i must admit, i look rather cute today.

silver is aggrivating the shit out of me.
feels like she has no time to talk to the only person who ever listens and tries to help her.
great.

whoa jimi just turned into a zombie and tried to bite my neck - lmfao.

alright, i'm out.
PZZZ.

gr1m.

2006-02-22T00:45:48Z

elise came over yesterday around 1:00pm to watch ichi the killer with me and eat ramen, but her parents think i'm a rapist i guess so they picked her up way too early - gay.

so then around 4:30pm silver came over, and we watched most of ichi the killer but i got bored since i saw it only like 3hrs ago.
and then i made her eggy ramen. >:}
and then we watched transporter 2.

soon it was like 11:00pm, so i just asked my mom if silver could sleep over.
we did a bit of interweb interaction, went to go watch attack of the show!, and then went to bed.

woke up this morning around 8:30am, and basically did nothing but interweb/music/doom all day until 4:30pm when silver left.
i took a nap somewhere in between.
it ruled...

i was looking forward to seeing brittany thursday, but then i remembered i had a psyche appointment. >:O!
although she wants me to come tomorrow... i don't think it'll happen tomorrow.
SIIIIGH.

AND WTF I WAS S'POSE TO SEE KIRBY TOMORROW BUT HI2U DUMB WORKING PARENTS OF HERS.

actually, i was s'pose to hang out with sara mayko today and raise hell in her vehicle but obv that didn't happen 'cause she had shiz t'do.

i'm really bored.
and i redl'd stepmania.
soon i'll have smo, and if y'catch me on my username will be palatka.

becoming a murderer sounds pretty awesome.
you get praise.
i like that. :}

edit: oh, sweet...
i coughed up blood not too long ago, and managed to fill the whole rag with it.
there's not an inch left of yellow on it.
all red.
only four coughs.
lots... o'... blood.

fe'e.

2006-02-20T14:48:40Z

i think i may have a tapeworm.

666.

2006-02-14T23:27:38Z

first full day with my computer back.
i can't say it's been such a great one, though.
my brother managed to get my fucking ext-harddrive stolen.
70gbs of music + 90gbs of anime = gone. >:O

i think i may get homeschooled.
it'd solve some probs of mine, in my opinion.

and last night i got to talk to this fabulous female brittany.
we had a good time, good time.
i may take the train to see her over feb vacation.
that'd be nice.

and i'm also taking the train to see my dear friend kirby! <3

anyways, i hate valentine's day.
always have, and probably always will.
atleast until i can truthfully tell myself i'm happy.
then i'll enjoy valentine's day.

pzzz.

vearth.

2006-02-13T21:19:33Z

i'm getting my computer back tonight! :D

but i don't have a valentine. :{

grizzly.

2006-02-04T18:51:46Z

i'm pretty much in a new band.
still thinking of a name for us all.
but we have keys/synth, guitar, bass, drums, and vocals.
i'm excited.

and all jimi and i have been doing this morning is the "bear mosh" and screaming.
damn, i love us.

oh, and i'm going to the mall today.
CUTHURR.

jimi is making "satan horns" in my hair right now.
lmfao - awesome. :D

BY THE WAY!
the other day i was coughing up blood.
it ruled.

raffelsia.

2006-02-02T20:22:09Z

i figured out why i'm so sick all the time...
it's because i'm so miserable.
and you and i both know why i'm so miserable...
it's because i don't have - oh, what the hell am i saying?
i sound so pathetic.

this fucking library has no wifi access.
ruined!

breathe.

2006-01-19T02:35:44Z

the other day i bought electroplankton for my ds online, and i got it in the mail today.
geeeez, it's amazing.
and i went to the mall today with elise and noelley.
can't get enough of those two.
wandered aimlessly like usually.
i want that badass yellow coat from american eagle.
noelley said i look like a lion in it. >:}

then went upstairs and ate a panda bowl with mandarin chicken.
stole some of noelle's orange chicken, too.
mmmm, yes.
people say i eat way too much. ;\
then i think i got food poisoning 'cause ever since then i felt like i'm going to throw up.
still do.

good night!

soothe.

2006-01-16T17:15:43Z

pretty much all yesterday i did nothing but sleep and eat, like usual.
i woke up around 12:00pm, i think.
and finally decided to get dressed at like 2:00pm, or something.

even though i was suppose to go to bri's around 4:00pm...
i ended up going around 5:00pm 'cause she had to defrost her car.
and i brought my ext-hd over her house and loaded her ipod up with some tunes, and we watched some fight scenes from one piece, final fantasy advent children, and mai-otome.
and drank coke...

i had to be brought home around 6:30pm 'cause my friend zach was sleeping over, so we left her house to bring my home.
and then zach came over and we just played animal crossing and mario kart all night, basically.
i ended up spraying the fucking hell out of my bed with cologne 'cause he wreaked unpleasantly.

yeeeeah, and this morning i didn't do much of anything different.
woke up, played animal crossing, ate ice cream, listened to music, etc etc...

and later today i hope to go to noelley's house with jimi and see elise and ashley while we're there.
if anything exciting happens (even if not), i'll tell y'bout it.

omniscient.

2006-01-13T00:41:33Z

i didn't make the band.
i wasn't what they were looking for.
but i secretly read their lyrics and it was cliche metalcore shit, so i guess they weren't what i was looking for lyric-wise ('cause apparently i couldn't sing my own damn songs).

i came home sick today.
some chick was caterwauling her fucking lungs out in the nurse's office screaming "OHMYGOD SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY!"
i was about to make her life go away.
but i enjoyed a very nice raspberry-flavored water, mmm.

i have a lot of make-up work to do tonight, so i should get to it.

i haven't talked to you all day, though. {pout}

slow.

2006-01-12T02:39:55Z

alright, so today was quite the humorous/exciting time... i must inquire.

i'll just skip everything that happened in school because nothing changes.
besides it being a half day!
but dan and i requested a trip to mcdonald's be taken, so we went to mcdonald's and i had these coupons so i could get another burger or something with my value meal.
i gave the burger to dan so brianna wouldn't have to spend any extra money.
anyways, then she dropped me off at my house.

almost as soon as i got home i did some laundry because i was unsatisfied with the ones i was wearing.
so i was just walking around my house with tiny little boxers on, and i sat in my computer chair blasting shroud of turin when my landlord knocks and opens the door to ask me to turn it down.
bastard... >:{

around 3:00pm we picked up silver to go to urban outfitters.
i bought an amazing belt and a scarf which i'm returning 'cause it reminds me of the harry potter colors or something.
i also picked out a shirt for silver, and i guess she got a little beret too.

we got out of that store around 4:30pm and headed over to kaelyn's to meet up with him, jamie, chris, caroline, and her friend.
i wish caroline was able to join us 'cause i never ever see her, and a meer thirty-second hug was not enough time to satisfy me.
maybe next time.
they had to leave, and so did we.
so chris drove silver, jamie, kaelyn, and i to jamie's house where they all set up their equipment and handed me the mic.
uh, i guess i was just going for tone/pitch/memory because i wasn't instructed on anything...
it worked out well, i s'pose.
i think they are satisfied, as am i.
their band: one left for dead.

a little while after that we went downstairs to eat pirogies and play with cute little bunnies.
and make mom jokes, in which kaelyn does so well.
we then headed down to the basement 'cause jamie wanted to show us this wooden door which had a monster behind it.
but then we got sidetracked and kaelyn stole some chicken out of his fridge, and we found a grappling hook.
we had this idea to put one of those wallet chains on the grappling hook so we can get on top of school roofs that measure about 3ft high, but we never got around to doing it unfortunately. :{
and chris was lurking in the shadows with a large steel pole.
...kaelyn continued to make more mom jokes.
wait, lemme think of one...
arrrgh! something about doing jamie's mom's three boxes - lol.
but i forget... oh well. ;\

basically, that was the whole night.
we eventually went back upstairs... but we just fooled around and such.
chris brought silver and i to my house.
silver was being a bastard and not giving me hugs, so i sent her away to her home.
just kidding, she had to leave.
but she wouldn't give me hugs when i demanded! >:O

pzzzz.

seung.

2006-01-10T02:02:39Z

oh, i got my DS back.
one again... i reign supreme.

as usual, school was tedious.
and as usual, i got a ride home from brianna.
but her boyfriend was being a jerk and ignoring her, so that made me mad.
i also ice skated for the first time. :x

on wednesday i have a half day, and i guess i'll be heading over to m'boy kaelyn's house and from there somewhere else to try out for their vocalist in one left for dead.
i'll tell you how that goes. :}

but before all that... silver and i are going to urban outfitters to get shit at discount 'cause i have a card of elitism that allows me to do so.

i wanna see hostel with noelley over the weekend, too.

claw.

2006-01-08T23:36:35Z

so today i had to go to my dumb cousin's house in who-knows-where, ct.

BUT BEFORE ALL THAT!
i recieved my brand new condition sword of mana - in the box and everything.
a good moment, indeed.

okay, yeah, arrived at my cousin's house all tired and what-not.
we all sat down and began talking.
and those pestering cousins of mine went on and on about their annoying accomplishments.
"i did this, i play this, this girl does this but in reaction i do this 'cause when i do this it makes her this way and i like that 'cause i'm the best at doing this - this - this - this".

i just wanted to fall asleep.
high point of the visit was that they have a big cuddly dog that likes to sleep and be cute.

yeah, and i know yr reading this, or will be anyways.
any sign of acknowledgment in reference to past entries would do some good, y'know. ;\

i'm about to lunge into some amazing lasagna, so i bid you all adieu.

mushboom.

2006-01-07T06:11:24Z

yoooo, so i'm at jimi's crib chillin' and shit.
'cause i'm sleeping over.
the walk home was way too cold, i almost got frost bite. :{

but first, lemme tell you about last night.
my mom and i got into another argument 'cause she's the most unreasonable bastard in the universe.
so i got very frustrated and got on one of the kitchen chairs and began stomping the shit out of my dinner table.
i was mad.
"angerrr" is fitting, no?

anyways, today... school... uh, nothing happened.

and then i came home and napped for a few hours, took a shower, and got ready to go to a show at FYI.
i came with jimi, and got to see elisey baaaabe, OH DYLAN!, noelley, ashley, jocelyn, erika, haley, brianna, and some other people i s'pose.
lots of drama occured, as well.
some random girl like... put her hands around my thighs and squeezed them, or something.
'twas really awkward, yet pleasing.
but i didn't know who she was, so... yeah...
and some other random girl was fondeling my hair and smiling at me.

FUCKING CROWBARSSS.
i may have gotten excited if a crowbar had dealt damage, and began stomping the shit out of some novice.
but thankfully, no need.

anyways, my friend sean snuffed the shit out of some kid and he was bleeding all over - LOL.
and then some kid tried hitting sean, and blah blah called his friends.
his friends = angryyy, as well, and were all violent.
and iuno being awesome.

elise is too cute. :{
i wanted to give her a kiss on the cheek atleast, but i felt it awkward knowing she only got ___ _____ ____ last month.
also, maybe she doesn't want it.

oh well...

g'night.

ps - harlem shake to breakdowns.

aloha.

2006-01-05T21:22:00Z

so, i guess i have been sucked into the void that is livejournal (again).
but since it's a new year, it seems fitting.
everything's basically changed since my last one, and to say the least, it may be some-what interesting.

over winter vacation i had been staying at my mom's boyfriend's house in vero beach, florida.
it was a pretty dismal experience.
and i was really homesick.
only exciting thing that happened was purchasing a $15 pair of dark rosewood chopsticks and devouring $60 worth of sushi, mmm...

yesterday i stayed home because i had a very important three page sociology paper due, but my mom fucking flipped out like the bastard she is and yadda yadda ended up taking my brand new red nintendo DS (a.k.a. life).
i got frustrated and told her if my DS is returned even with the slightest scratch that her closet may be set ablaze.
and theeeen she called the guidance counselor to see how she was doing even though i explained to her for two hours everything she needed to know, but of course she thinks i'm a liar.
if only i had an axe...
oh, and i download dave chapelle's "killin' 'em softly".
it's ace.

as of today, i went to school... was reunited with silver (yay!) along with many other of my good friends, and slept a good hour or two during classes.
there wasn't really much going on.
just preparation for midterms and shit.
boring...

tomorrow i hope to see noelley and everyone else since it's been over a week.
i miss them dearly. <3